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Linda Chavers


onethreetwofivefoursixGO!

1. A history of the world in 8 minutes and 46 seconds. 

 

And then they came and got us from our homes and they came and got us from the shores and then they took us on the boats and then they took us to the land we didn’t know we didn’t know and then they took us to their fields and then they took us to their homes but they didn’t take us in their homes they only took us to their homes theres a difference you see theres a difference and then they took us all the time they took us to the ground they took us to the tree branch they took us to the floors and they took our bodies and then they took our parts and then they took our bodies and our parts and then we ran away we ran far and far but the other ones who looked away started looking and they helped you see they helped and the ones who looked away helped take us back you see they helped take us back but there was too much land and too many people and there was too much land and too many people so they fought a war and they fought and they fought and many died and many more died and this was the only time we got to blink and this was the only time we got to breathe just a little but only just a little and then the war was won and then the war was lost and then the war was not a war but a new land and this land we could all walk on and then we all walked on this land because they said we could but it was the same people who took us too and there was confusion you see there was confusion and they had to solve the problem like it was math ha ha like it was math and they solved the problem yes they solved the problem because they came and took us again and called it law you see they came and took us again and called it law and we had no homes to be taken from anymore so we ran and we ran some more and some of us made it and some of us made it but many of us did not you see some of us made it but many of us did not and then the ropes came out and more ropes came out and the fire came and the flash came you see the flash came because there were pictures now and the towns had parties you see they had parties and it was just another job for us you see just another job but no one told us we would die you see no one told us we would die and they chased us and they raped us and they hurt us you see they hurt us so bad and the ropes came out and more ropes came out and we kept running and we kept running so far and there were marches now yeah you see there were marches now and there were schools now and there were bombs now and yeah you see there were bombs now and the hoses came and the dogs came and our skin was on fire even though it was water you see our skin was on fire even though it was water and then the wars came and more wars came and they said if you fight you can live for free you see they said if you fight you can live for free so we went and we fought and we fought some more but when we came home they still burned us you see I’m trying to tell you when we came home they still burned us but we kept going and we kept running and we kept smiling because maybe if you smile they won’t kill you yeah yeah maybe if you smile they wont kill you so we smiled and some of us sang and some of us danced and some of us studies and some of us walked and some of us sat and some of slept and some of us woke and some of us ate and some of us starved and some of us and some of us and some of us and some of them were building prisons you see some of them were building prisons and some of us were taken again yeah I’m telling you some of us got taken again and the prisons went up and the bodies went down and the prisons went up and the bodies went down and then and then and then the planes in the sky came too close I’m telling you man the planes in the sky came too close and we all looked up to see the world knew too you see the world knew too and then one of us came along and they didn’t kill him you see one of us came along and they didn’t kill him but we knew and we shoulda known I’m telling you we knew and we shoulda known ya know because it was just like the last time when the war was fought and the war was won and the war was lost and somebody had to pay man yeah somebody had to pay and the bombs came back and the batons came back but they never left and the dogs came back but they were always there and then and then and then the white babies got killed too I’m telling you the white babies got killed too but that was okay because the guns matter the guns always matter and it was always gonna get worse before it got better you see it was always gonna get worse before it got better and right now this is better.

 

 

2. Psychosis as Mourning

 

But it’s all okay yeah I’m trying to tell you though it’s all good because when I die I know I’ll get to see my momma again you see I’m telling you when I die Ill get to see my momma again because when they were killing him that’s what he told us you see when they were killing him that’s what he was telling us that we will all get to see our mommas again so it’s all gonna be okay

 

And it was the most beautiful thing really it was it was because as he lay dying and taking his last breaths he looked out and made sure that he let us know of one very important thing you see he told us wed see our mommas again he told us we would see our mommas again and I took a comfort that way that is the way I can take a comfort that in all of this in everything when I am taken I will still get to go home when I am taken I will get to go home to my mother

 

And shes gonna tell me stories about magic when I go home and see my momma she will tell me about the real magicians or maybe theyre the time travelers I’m not sure yeah I’m not sure she starts to tell me how shes gonna break it down for me for you she tells us how shes gonna break it down down to the molecular levels down to the grit and to the details and shell show me all the breaks and then I gotta do my best I say I gotta do my best to relay it to you so I will try I say I will try I will try but it means I gotta take a break I gotta take a pause will you let me take a pause is it okay if I take a break is it okay is it okay is it okay to take a break is it okay if I break?

 

She tells me how we live in parallel universes and how people think we crazy but I’m just tryna figure it all out man I’m trying to figure it all out like when I come to work and they come to work and they ask each other how was your weekend and we say to each other the weekend was fine it was fine it was all very good and fine but thats the lie you see that’s the lie. Because my weekend was about not dying you see my weekend was about dying because anytime I go outside that means I could die. But is that what I say when they ask how are you how was your weekend? No of course not man they aint asking about all that. they aint asking about the preparations we make whenever we go outside or the calisthenics we’ve already performed about varying scenarios. If I wear this then they will kill me or try to anyway. Okay so what about that? or this other thing? What about if I wear the other thing but I smile a lot? What if I wear that other thing but I smile and I laugh at one of their jokes? What if I stoop down a little lower? What if I put sunglasses on? Then they’ll say you’re hiding something. Okay, what if I took the sunglasses off? Then they’ll say you’re nosy. What about if I do what they do and talk like they talk? Then they’ll say you’re making fun of them, boy. You know that’s what they’ll say that’s all any of them every have to say about us when we try not to die they say stop that don’t do that do this instead stand up sit down run walk sprint jump sit crouch hide get out here! Because they’re magicians, see they’re definitely magicians, the real OGs the first ones of magic, the alphas and the omegas. Because come Monday morning they say how was your weekend like you have to now review in your mind just how was your weekend exactly and do you tell them that you ran do you tell them that you walked do you tell them that you screamed do you tell them that you drove extra slow or that you drove superfast to get outta wherever you were that you shouldn’t have been in do you tell them its not about not watching the news because you’ll find out anyway because we all got cousins yeah that’s right we all got cousins and some of them are you but they not tryna hear that yeah some of them are you but you not tryna hear that unless it’s about some cornrows you can post on the gram yeah if you can post it on the gram then its all good so you do no they do they post that shit like its cute but you know that Sandra had cornrows one time and now she’s dead yeah Ms. Bland had cornrows but they only show her with long hair now they only show her with long hair now and I dont like it I dont like it I really dont like its okay now my break is over its really okay now I dont need another break I’m done pausing I’m done pausing I’m done I’m done I’m undone

 

 

3. Progress in a White Supremacist Nation

 

And the girl yeah I call her girl because she gets to be one right here and the girl who wore cornrows got kicked outta school I said the girl who wore cornrows gets kicked outta school even though listen I’m saying even though her Instagram friend says thats the right style they all tell her thats the right style and one of them walked over Blands body and gave the thirsty cops something cool to drink and they all turned to us and said its all okay now you see she gave the thirsty cop a cold can of Pepsicola and he took it and he smiled and she smiled and even the dead bodies down below smiled they couldnt breathe but yeah they were smiling I’m telling you they were smiling because thats what you call progress progress is when the thirsty po-po man looks at you and smiles and doesnt kill you see I said progress is when the po-po man looks at you and doesnt kill you or maybe he still does but he was kind about it yeah that sounds about right when the po-po man doesnt kill you as fast doesnt kill you as fast like in 1999 they killed us with 41 bullets but now its 2020 and they only take 40 you see its 2020 now and they only shoot 40 to kill us thats some hot shit math right there aint it it is you see we got to suffer less by one second less which means for every year since they cut our time to die by 0.04761905 seconds and my momma told me I’m real smart I’m real smart so my momma tells me because I know things like nanoseconds and zeptoseconds but daddy says of course of course daddy says I have to know the zeptos because folks like us live in the symbols folks like us live in the symbols folks like us live in the space between the seconds

 

when the outcome is a mindfuck and the equation is a pretense and equality is the unreliable variable is what I say now is what I say now that I’m full blooded now that I’m full grown but they still dont ever see us they refuse to see us but they surely do see the fire and the milk on our faces when the gas is too much they sure do see the boarded up walls and the turned off lights and where will they get their properties from now I ask where will they get their property when everything is on fire when everything is on fire well thats the time to listen I’m tryna to tell you man that this is what happened that this is what happened when white supremacy doesnt ever die but grows and grows and grows bigger than Tamir longer than Trayvon wider than Breonna greater than Sandra larger than Kalief broader than any one of us ever ever imagined but we did imagine it didnt we I’m saying we did imagine it right because when he knew he cried out for his momma when he knew he cried out for his momma no no he didnt cry out for his momma that wasnt a cry that was a welcome home you see what I’m tryna tell you is he was saying welcome home welcome home welcome home

home is
where we are

right now.

 

 

4. Assimilation

 

But they say theyre thinking about me they say theyre thinking about me they keep telling me theyre thinking of me and thats how I know they got the biggest imaginations that’s how I know they got the biggest imaginations because they know so so much I’m saying they know so so much and they do so so little with their big wide imaginations yet they tell me they cannot imagine they tell me they cannot imagine this time this time it is so painful it is so so painful and

 

I call bullshit I say I call bullshit on you you who can imagine you who can imagine very well you can imagine very well when its your imagination I live inside of when its your imagination I have to live inside it’s your imagination I consider when I open the door to leave my house my house my burning house where I must always leave and neglect my own imagination until I can return can I return I can return to my imagination which is missing walls and floors and natural elements like water or air and then and then
And then
I cant breathe

 

And then you say you are sorry you are so you are so you are so damn sorry and what an intimate thing it is to tell me you are sorry because you are telling me you are telling me you are telling me that you have known all along you have known all along and you tell me that you are sorry because you wont do anything else yeah I said it you wont do anything else because you are
So

Sorry.


Linda Chavers is a writer in Cambridge, MA. She is a Lecturer in African American Studies at Harvard University where she writes non-fiction on disability, relationships and pop culture. She loves boxing and spin class and when she’s not consuming reality television she is spending quality time with her 5 year old west highland terrier, Biggie Smalls. Follow her at www.lindachaverswrites.com, @lindachaverslovesherdog on Instagram and @icontradictmys1 on Twitter! 

 

charity link: Girls for Gender Equality

 

“1. A history of the world in 8 minutes and 46 seconds.” and “2. Psychosis as Mourning” were originally published in the July issue of 8 Poems.