04/03/2011

April 30, 20XX, Chesterfield, Northern Kansas Territories (Disputed Zone).

A hair of spaghetti found rammed through the trunk of a tree. A cat deposited on the roof of a 50 ft. high ammunition depot 136 miles away—cat subsequently terminated and an autopsy performed and animal was found to have been completely unharmed by the wind. Thirty-three pieces of antique silverware, spoons and forks and butter knives in equal amounts, each one jammed handle upwards into the ground at intervals of four inches—said dinnerware in pristine condition apart from the natural wear expected in objects of that age. Bullets from a nearby skirmish between Forrest Militants and Chamberlainites were drawn into the sky, turned about in the tornado’s vortex, and returned to the guns from which they came. Military application obvious. Tornado rated EF3 (severe damage) on the Enhanced Fujita Scale. Consult attached sheet.

May 08, 20XX, Culvert’s Landing, Nebraska.

Relatively weak tornado nevertheless of considerable scientific interest because its vindictive character; several witnesses report “caustic remarks” emanating from the center of the storm; said remarks growing more vicious as the storm progresses along its ten-mile path; several quadruple-armed schoolchildren at a local “school for the unfortunate” reportedly “moved to corrosive tears” by the storm’s insults, the content of which are still not known as not a single witness could be found who wished to repeat them, despite the application of mild sedatives and the most energetic interrogatory methods available to an eight member-strong meteorological study group. Military application possible but not fully clear at this point. Tornado rated EF0 (minor or no damage) on the Enhanced Fujita Scale. No significant structural deformation reported.

May 29, 20XX, Northern Milwaukee Wastes, Eastern Wisconsin Peninsula.

Tornado is one of several at the front of a derecho extending through most of the Middle West. Power of tornado tears hundreds of buildings, many of them steel-reinforced, from their foundations and makes of them a sort of floating city hundreds of feet in the air; houses and shops and radiation scrubbing centers remain in the sky for close to ten minutes after which they are gently lowered back down to the precise foundations they were ripped from. Interrogation of witnesses by meteorological study group reveals commonalities in emotional response engendered by the incident: several remark on the floating city’s aesthetic beauty and wonder if it was the “Heav’n” (sic) spoken of in several pre-Event religions; others, apparently, are convinced of it and jump into the tornado in hopes of ascending upward to their homes—reconstruction of bodies reveals that arms and legs, both functional and vestigial, were ripped off as a result of this rash act. Military application unclear at this time but probably minimal. Tornado rated EF4 (extreme damage) on the Enhanced Fujita Scale. Despite extremely high winds, no damage or other deformation of structures reported.

June 10, 20XX, Unreconstructed Swamplands, Northern Republic of La Florida

Tornado notable both for its unusual location and its alleged deformation of organic material while leaving manmade structures untouched; interrogation of witnesses by meteorological study group reveals that tornado seemed to sense inorganic structures and leave them behind while damaging trees and human bodies and so forth. Such activity leads to the peculiar sight of mangled human beings encased within pristine clothing. Total dead is unknown. Meteorological study group attempted to comb the nearby swamps for organic specimens but were fired upon by genetically altered humans and forced to abandon the area. Military application unclear at this time. Tornado rated EF1 (moderate damage) on the Enhanced Fujita Scale. No damage to buildings whatsoever.

June 26, 20XX, Rocky Mountain Zone, Disputed Territory

Forty mile-wide tornado constructs an unimaginable hellscape that takes men’s minds and dashes them against the very rocks they performed their puny, meaningless cogitation amongst. Tornado rains down pain and suffering unmatched in human history and leaves behind stacks of bodies hundreds of feet high and enough pooled blood to have swimming contests in. No live human beings remain. Several members of meteorological study group afflicted with severe depression, existential in nature, upon seeing results of tornado and smash their heads against the nearest hard surface. No sane military application. Tornado rated EF5 (total destruction) on Enhanced Fujita Scale. All buildings swept off the face of the earth.

July 15, 20XX, Lubbock, Texas

Tornado reveals meaning of human life on this earth to several witnesses, all of whom do not alter their subsequent actions in any significant way. Energetic interrogation techniques by meteorological study group are unsuccessful in learning meaning of life, even though interrogation was at times so energetic as to result in premature death of several witnesses. Witnesses surreptitiously observed by members of meteorological study group for several days after their release from interrogation. Witnesses did not engage in any productive activity (foraging, ammunition construction) but rather gazed very intently upon aspects of natural surroundings (tree branches, mutated animals) that had escaped their attention previously. Military application obvious. Tornado rated EF2 (considerable damage) on Enhanced Fujita Scale. Consult attached sheet for more a more detailed analysis of various damage indicators.

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Jonathon Walter’s work is forthcoming in The Atlantic. He lives in Wisconsin.