{"id":3460,"date":"2011-07-11T06:53:04","date_gmt":"2011-07-11T06:53:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/sporkpress.com\/fiction\/?p=191"},"modified":"2011-07-11T06:53:04","modified_gmt":"2011-07-11T06:53:04","slug":"speed-dating-with-emotionally-unstable-lucy-by-b-frayn-masters-2","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/2011\/07\/11\/speed-dating-with-emotionally-unstable-lucy-by-b-frayn-masters-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Speed-Dating With Emotionally Unstable Lucy by B. Frayn Masters"},"content":{"rendered":"

ROUND ONE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Guy: Hey, I’m Carl.<\/p>\n

Lucy: I’m feeling a little low right now.<\/p>\n

Guy: I can get you a phone book or a baby booster \u2014<\/p>\n

Lucy: You’ve got it wrong. I am emotionally low. Like down and out.<\/p>\n

Guy: This is the speed-dating thing, right?<\/p>\n

Lucy: My name is Lucy and I have a cactus, a job, and basic plus cable. Not necessarily in that order.<\/p>\n

Guy: Is the cactus single?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

ROUND TWO<\/strong><\/p>\n

Guy: Cheers, I’m Basil.<\/p>\n

Lucy: So you’re German.<\/p>\n

Guy: Pfft. Er, I’m from London.<\/p>\n

Lucy: Nothing.<\/p>\n

Guy: England.<\/p>\n

Lucy: Hey, whacka, whacka let’s put the \u2018gland\u2019 back in England.<\/p>\n

Guy: Come again?<\/p>\n

Lucy: I’m always above people’s heads.<\/p>\n

Guy: Yes, well then. Aufweidersehen.<\/p>\n

 
\nROUND 3<\/strong><\/p>\n

Guy: Oh, wow, this is fun! You having a good time?<\/p>\n

Lucy: Compared to the funeral yesterday, yes!<\/p>\n

Guy: Jesus, I’m sorry. Did I say something? Who. Died?<\/p>\n

Lucy: Coral Wilson, she was 87.<\/p>\n

Guy: Grandma?<\/p>\n

Lucy: Lover.<\/p>\n

Guy: You have a sick sense of humor lady.<\/p>\n

Lucy: Whatever do you mean?<\/p>\n

Guy: Well, that can’t really be true.<\/p>\n

Lucy: So much is true that no one wants to be true.<\/p>\n

 
\nROUND FOUR<\/strong><\/p>\n

Guy: Word on the street is that this is the black hole seat. I got a text from my man Jimbo that said you’re some kind of necro\u2014lesbo.<\/p>\n

Lucy: I love your shirt. What do you call that? Criss-crossy lines? Intersections of color? Boxes of interconnectedness? Catholic shame branding?<\/p>\n

Guy: Plaid.<\/p>\n

Lucy: There is a sadness to that.<\/p>\n

Guy: What? No there isn’t. Plaid is cool, it’s everywhere and it’s perfectly happy.<\/p>\n

Lucy: No, that I love your shirt so much. I’m really into it. If you’ll let me be forward with you, its stolen my heart.<\/p>\n

Guy: So I suppose you want to have a round with just my shirt then?<\/p>\n

Lucy: You really get me. If you’d worn a different shirt tonight then it’d be you, I swear, it’d be you I could spend the rest of my life with.<\/p>\n

Guy: What if I told you the shirt is me and me is inhabited by a temporary setback?<\/p>\n

Lucy: So the shirt is an externalized version of yourself that you really like a lot and you want to keep it safe.<\/p>\n

Guy: Here, take it.<\/p>\n

Lucy: I’m going to buy it a whiskey. It needs one.<\/p>\n

———-<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

ROUND ONE Guy: Hey, I’m Carl. Lucy: I’m feeling a little low right now. Guy: I can get you a phone book or a baby booster \u2014 Lucy: You’ve got it wrong. I am emotionally low. Like down and out. Guy: This is the speed-dating thing, right? Lucy: My name is Lucy and I have […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1,2],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-3460","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","category-things"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3460","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3460"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3460\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3460"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3460"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/thisissporkpress.com\/archive\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3460"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}