ROCKY THREE<\/b><\/p>\n
\nEarl uses the Internet to check his eagles.
\n Someone put a webcam in a nest of baby eagles and now the baby eagles are Earl\u2019s baby eagles and he checks them when he doesn\u2019t feel like eating or sleeping. It\u2019s mostly eagles kissing and puking on each other but that\u2019s a-okay by Earl. He calls them Rocky One, Rocky Two, Rocky Three and Rocky Four.
\n Earl wears a floral dressing gown and smokes a thin cigarette. He ashes in a fish-shaped dish upon which the proverb Kiss My Bass is inscribed. Earl looks in the mirror, gives himself a frown and says, I\u2019m concerned about your lifestyle, Earl. <\/i>Then he gives himself an exhausted face and says, Oh just take a shower, Earl.<\/i>\u00a0<\/i>
\n The good news is Earl has a coach called Harvey Abramowicz. Harvey Abramowicz is a Certified Life Coach and ninety-nine percent of his clients report feeling somewhat satisfied with his performance. Earl and Harvey telecommunicate, which means Harvey calls Earl to discuss Earl\u2019s broken life and when they finish discussing Earl\u2019s broken life they brainstorm ways to make flow charts about it. This technique is called manifesting. Earl doesn\u2019t like to draw so he gets Harvey to make the flow charts. Later, Harvey mails the flow charts to Earl by USPS for an extra fee and Earl finds this reasonable.
\n Today Earl\u2019s phone rings at 4PM on the dot.
\n Harvey says, Hey Earl!<\/i> Que pasa, hombre?<\/i>
\n Normally Earl discourages cockamamie jokes but Harvey and Earl are involved in a Process of Discovery and Earl is discovering Harvey doesn\u2019t like to use only English words.
\n Harvey says, I hope you\u2019re excited because I\u2019m excited!<\/i>
\n Then he says, Any decision beats no decision!<\/i>
\n Then he says, Life is a zig-zag! Life is a triangle!<\/i>
\n Earl enjoys visualizing Harvey. He envisions Harvey wearing a headset and reclining in a voluptuous armchair. He envisages Harvey polishing a brass dolphin from the International Federation of Coaches and using a fountain pen to jot notes about Earl\u2019s internal landscape, a landscape regularly described by Earl as an umbral toilet of disappointment.
\n Harvey coughs into the phone and says something about healing and moving forward. Then he says something about an interior dialogue of negative chatter which keeps us from triumphing over challenges and getting inspired to create the lives we deserve.
\n Harvey says, Are you picking up what I\u2019m laying down? Are you? Well are you Earl?\u00a0 <\/i>but Earl\u2019s end of the phone rests supine on his air mattress.
\n Earl is at the computer with his face in his palms.
\n The bad news is Rocky Three is missing, which can only mean he fell from the nest to his death or was murdered by his brothers in an act of brutal avian fratricide. Earl tightens the floral dressing gown around his waist. Harvey shouts, Sayonara! <\/i>from the phone on his air mattress but Earl never hears.
\n Earl tells himself it doesn\u2019t have to mean something.
\n It doesn\u2019t have to mean something, but probably, it does.
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& & &<\/p>\n
(I\u2019m never getting in holy fuck it\u2019s a bunch of pregnant ladies out here are they all younger than me don\u2019t have feelings about this just keep reading your Elvis book why does no one have acne I thought pregnant ladies get acne or is it babies who get acne alright your kid is laughing too much and it\u2019s bothering me yes it\u2019s a ball we know already shut up remember to steal this pen later yesss it\u2019s a mouse and a ball we know shut up<\/i>). Gynecologist: You are eating anti-baby medicines or no?<\/p>\n Me: Sorry?<\/p>\n Gynecologist: You are eating anti-baby medicines or no? Any babies\u2019 medicines?<\/p>\n Me: What? No!<\/p>\n Me: OH.<\/p>\n Me: Condoms. I am eating condoms.<\/p>\n Gynecologist: Wow!\u00a0Sie ist sehr sch\u00f6n!<\/p>\n Me: Danke.<\/p>\n \u00a0<\/b><\/p>\n Gynecologist: Here!<\/p>\n Me: What?<\/p>\n Gynecologist: Here!<\/p>\n Me: What?<\/p>\n Gynecologist: You hold this! You must hold this while I look inside. Take it!<\/p>\n Me: Ok.<\/p>\n Gynecologist: Now give back it to me!<\/p>\n Gynecologist: (indecipherable)<\/p>\n Me: Sorry.<\/p>\n Gynecologist: Ja. Gynecologist: Now I rub some cream on the breasts. Is it ok?<\/p>\n Me: I guess. Does my insurance cover this?<\/p>\n Gynecologist: Yes, but nothing more.<\/p>\n Me: Ok, fine. \n From the Elevator Descending to Lower Floors in the German Gynecological Building<\/b><\/p>\n Me: Did I get the pen?<\/p>\n Me: Fuck.<\/p>\n Me: That was the kind of pen I like.<\/p>\n Me: That was my favorite kind of pen.<\/p>\n Me: Fuck.<\/p>\n Me: Should I go back?<\/p>\n Me: What should I say?<\/p>\n Me: Fuck. Me: Hi, I forgot I have some questions about baby-eating medicine.<\/p>\n Me: Can I just eat the babies anytime?<\/p>\n Me: I don\u2019t know.<\/p>\n Me: I don\u2019t know what to do.<\/p>\n Me: Are you using that pen?<\/p>\n Me: It doesn\u2019t look like it.<\/p>\n Me: It doesn\u2019t look like you\u2019re using that pen.<\/p>\n Me: Well.<\/p>\n Me: Up to you. \u2013\u2013\u2013\u2013\u2013\u2013\u2013<\/p>\n
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\nBABYEATERS<\/strong>
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\nFrom the German Gynecological Waiting Room<\/b><\/p>\n
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\n\u00a0<\/b>
\nFrom the German Gynecological Observation Room<\/b><\/p>\n
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\nFrom the German Gynecological Stirrups<\/b><\/p>\n
\nFrom a New Lower Position in the German Gynecological Stirrups<\/b><\/p>\n
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\nFrom Next to the Ikea Ficus in the German Gynecological Observation Room<\/b><\/p>\n
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\nFrom the Lobby of the German Gynecological Building<\/b><\/p>\n
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